Courtesy of the NY Daily News

Fay Carmona brings openly gay voice to Luis Jiménez Show

ERASMO GUERRA

Thursday, June 12th 2008, 4:00 AM

Handschuh for News

Fay Carmona on the Luis Jimenez Show studios.

Fay Carmona, the leggy, lip-glossed, lesbian co-host of the Luis Jiménez Show, should have been thrilled by news two weeks ago that New York would start recognizing gay marriages from out of state.

Instead, Carmona ranted on the radio: “Now my partner is gonna want to get married — and I’m gonna have to pay for it.”

It wasn’t the response one might have expected. But then Carmona, a brash and bright-eyed, 31-year-old Puerto Rican-Colombian, was just saying what was on her mind.

“I don’t know how to censor myself,” she admits. “There have been shows where I’ve been like, ‘I said that?’”

Even with a leading host as free and loose as Jiménez, Carmona says, “There’ll be times that he’ll cut off the mic or, after a break, he’ll be like, ‘Man, te pasaste un poquito’ (Man, you went a bit too far).”

Other times she’s been scolded for “gaying up” the broadcast. It’s such a routine on-the-air occurrence that the entire studio crew performs a sing-along to let Carmona know she’s way off the gay-o-meter.

“That pisses me off a little bit,” she says. “It’s like someone saying something about your nationality or about your mom. I don’t mean to ‘gay everything up’ but that’s my life.”

Still, she knows that her presence on the show teaches tolerance and educates.

“I’m showing what it means to be gay to a lot of people that probably don’t know anybody gay — or think they don’t, because every family has one, even if they’re in the closet.”

Her hope? “That even people that say the most ignorant things might think, ‘Fay has taught me this: Her life is just like ours. She goes home and her partner gets mad at her for not taking out the garbage.’”

She’s also gotten used to the gay bashing and being labeled a man-hater from some callers.

But she confessed that before taking the job a year and half ago, she was worried about whether she was strong enough to endure Jiménez.

“There were all these blogs and stories about his utter disgust for the gay community and certain things he’d said or done. And I was like, ‘Am I really gonna go interview with this dude?’ And I literally came in like, ‘Hey, I’m gay. I’m not gonna be in the closet for a show. I’d rather live under a bridge.’”

He didn’t have a problem.

“If anything, Luis is the biggest chick I know,” says Carmona. “He dresses well. He’s very metro. He watches certain movies and likes certain things that are very girlie.”

Carmona was on the show when it was suspended for a month in May 2007 after the gay rights group GLAAD protested a song parody about lesbians.

“It was nothing derogatory,” says Carmona, who’s a GLAAD member herself, and says that no one from the group ever contacted her.

A self-described radio geek who was raised in Passaic, N.J., Carmona sailed the airwaves from South Beach to the Bay Area, returning home when she took her current job.Carmona has since moved to Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

Oh, and despite her previous on-air fit, she’s glad about the new gay-marriage rights to come.]

delriogrande@hotmail.com

1. Have you ever noticed how different people act when they think no one is watching? In the shower… we all do it. Trying to sing that high Mariah Carey note (you know… before she was crazy!!) How about when you’re in your room alone and all of a sudden Britney Spears’ “Oops I did it again” plays mysteriously on your stereo. If your friends were around they would be gagging and screaming “get that pop crap off.” But there isn’t anyone around. So… “Oops I did it again, played with my heart.” Now you know that’s when you visualize yourself in that red number she wore in the video. It looked like she was wearing a Cherry fruit Roll –up! The moment would not be complete without of course… the choreography! Popping your hands out from your chest in a heart shape… oh yeah!! That is so Gay!

But, My favorite is the car rap star…. I just love it. There’s nothing funnier than a blonde all American girl singing (maybe lip synching) “Back that ass up, you sexy mother fucker so back that ass up”, while she’s driving a Ford Focus with blinged out rims. Hey be proud of it! I can’t sing but I’ll do it. At least you aren’t torturing people with your singing at Karaoke.

2. So the Daily show with Jon Stewart was down here in Ft. Lauderdale this weekend filming a gay segment. Hey I hear we are very in these days. So leave it to a gay boy to tell them, “Oh my God you must have Fay on the show!” They listened. (Note: never say no to a gay boy that hasn’t gotten laid in a while.) Obviously they were going to make fun of gay-ness but hey, it’s some funny shit! So I started thinking about stereotypes and what the gay community has added to the different categories in the rainbow world.

Butchy women- aggressive, non-aggressive, top, bottom, softball, couch potato, beer guzzler, flannel, jerseys, lots of keys, purse holder, will only date femmes, likes other butches.

Femmes- aggressive, non-aggressive, top, bottom, make-up, stilettos, make-up, apple martinis, hard liquor, shots, make-up, skirts likes butchy girls, likes only femmes like her.

Then there are the hetero-flexible metro-sexual women that end up looking like gay women but are just butchy straight women.

Where do you fit in?

3. Break ups… What you miss afterwards…

Breaking up is never easy. There’s hurt feelings, loneliness, betrayal, tears, and frowns. Shit you might be the one who’s happy to be out of the relationship if you’re the lucky one. But, honestly how often is that the case. Instead of dwelling on all of these emotions and uncertainty of the future I’m going think about the things that are going to suck because sometimes it does Take Two to Tango.

Grocery shopping- when you go to Publix no matter what you go buy (i.e. sauce, garlic or toilet paper) you always end up with a cart full of groceries. Everything is fine until you have to carry all those bags yourself. My man or my butch girlfriend would always carry more bags than me. I had to make 4 trips from my car to my apartment. Publix should have a service for newly single people. More than five bags it comes with a person to carry them to your house. Then Publix will definitely be “Where Shopping is a Pleasure.”

Electronics- when you are in a relationship for along time there are things in the house that you have always counted on your mate to do. Of course you take them for granted. Mind you, the mistake that I made was that I never tried to learn how to do these tasks myself. Why should I bother to learn, that’s what I have him/her for? If I learn to do it, then I might forget some vital memory from my childhood! Memory overload or something. But, after the last box is moved out and you want to burn a CD to cry to and one to be empowered by, you realize… I don’t know how to burn a CD from my computer? Ok… so I can’t listen to Cher’s “Strong Enough” but it’s Monday night and nothing makes me happier than a bunch of men having sex with other men and me having a front row seat.

“Queer as Folk” is one of my favorite shows. Lots of my gay boys say it’s not realistic. Boys…? I’m not watching it for the plot. Anyway, it was on last night and I recorded it. Ha!! Hot gay sex that will take my mind off things. I put my videotape marked “Queer as Folk” in … and we‘re off.

OK…? Why is there a white man fishing talking to himself? Maybe some new kinky sex on a boat? Where’s Brian? I don’t care about the best technique to catch bass. I’m not going fishing anytime soon. I want my Gay sex!!! I have managed to record some fishing show for the next hour. I can’t work the damn VCR either? He could at least left instructions to this Japanese piece of shit!

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Ten Reasons why I love being a gay man in a woman’s body.

1. I don’t have to wax my chest.
2. Size of my penis cut or uncut doesn’t matter.
3. When having best friends that are gay boys I don’t have to carry anything because I am a girl and they don’t steal my clothes.
4. No hormones needed to soften my voice and lose my adams apple.
5. I’m the gay or straight test when my gay boys are cruising
6. Gay men have their periods 24/7. I have mine once a month and I can prove it.
7. Face it everyone loves boobs and I have two.
8. It’s easier to turn out a straight girl than a straight boy.
9. I get to wear make-up/heels and no one will look at me funny.
10. No lube needed already included.

Why I love being a Bi sexual woman.

• Being proud of loving women not because it’s cool but because it is… and it’s me!
• Having men wish they were me or the girl I’m with and wish they could “watch.”
• Walking anywhere with my girlfriend and stopping everything that is currently happening by just kissing in public.
• My brother’s are scared that their big sister might steal their girlfriend.
• The sheer enjoyment of my mom’s everyday prayers that I find a good Spanish boy to take care of me instead of a woman.
• I have great come backs for men who say that one night with them I will never want a woman again.
• Butch or femme? Depending on the day it doesn’t matter.
• Movies, mall, gas station, straight club, gay club, all girls, all guys… I always have a better chance to score than straight guys or lesbians.
• My gay boys, trans, drag queens, lesbians, bi-girls and me can all go to the bathroom together!

What I hate about hanging with three gay boys.

• They don’t Listen
• They’re bitches
• They try to turn my boyfriend out.
• They most of the decisions
• They weigh more than I do.
• They can beat me up.
• They snore and smell (So do I!)

But no matter what its fun, and where ever we go we get into trouble.

Is it me or…

Was Ben Affleck hotter when he was J Lo.?

What’s the point of cable when more than half of channels are crap?

Why do we learn how to write in cursive in school when 90% of the people don’t use it (i.e. me)

When was the last time you saw a magazine article in cursive?

Why do you find someone else’s accent sexy?

How did anyone get in touch with each other before cell phones?

Why do people think that cell phones are a homing device?

If you call me and it goes into voicemail why do you feel the need to call 10 more times? I have caller ID. Maybe I don’t want to talk to you.

Why do I love people who aren’t from this country and try to speak English but hate the ones that don’t bother?

Why, if there are tops and bottoms with both gay men and women, can’t a butch lesbian go out with a flamy gay boy?

Why are 13 year olds looking 35 and 40 year olds looking 21?

How did people jog, before running shoes?

Notice that drinking is so important that Happy Hour is more than one hour.

Why is cheese left over when making a sandwich?

Shouldn’t I be able to talk a “talk shit” brake when smokers take a cigarette break since I don’t smoke?

Ex’s


I was reading this article the other day about the difference between a woman’s breakup and a man’s. Supposedly, a woman holds on to an old relationship twice even three times as long as a man. Now, since gay people do everything in 3’s (Like the universe by the way) Does that mean that when two Women are in a relationship its 3 years to get over!!?? SHIT!!!

Think of your last relationship. Even if the break-up was recent, you know why it would never work. All the reasons you are not together are spelled out in the most honest way. Yet, if you glanced at each other at The Café on a Sunday, there is a huge possibility that “Drama” would arise…or…SEX. That’s how we are!! Let’s say you’ve been broken up for even a YEAR yet if you saw her at “Hot Pants” with someone else….it would be an immediate call to your BF to scream and cry. Why are we like that?? Why can’t we be like men in that right and stop reverting BACK!! They are our ex’s for a reason!!!!

I am no different. You hear me on the radio, talking all my smack. Yet, if my ex was not psycho (we’ll get to that in a few) I would be all over that. I don’t know what your ex is all about but mine.. Well aside from being incredibly beautiful, she makes me laugh. I am the person of my group, in my job and everyday in between, put here to make others laugh. (BTW thank God for that gift, don’t get me wrong) but because of that, its harder to make me laugh. She does that. You know the out loud HOLY SHIT my ribs hurt laugh??? She can do that. Her sense of humor is second to none. She never gave two shits about “Who I was” or that “I was on the radio”. To her I was that chick that woke up in the morning with big hair and eyeliner down my face.

Aside from that, the love she projected to our cat was amazing to watch. (Yeah I know…REAL LESBIAN) It gave me such dreams about a probable future someday. SO you are thinking now…”FAY all that sounds like you found your dream girl..WHAT THE F!!!!” SHE’S A PSYCHO. And worse of all, I might have turned her into this PSYCHO!!

Because I love my ladies. I am here to help. Here is the guideline as to what is psycho. LADIES…Look at your girl!! This might be her. I had to no idea it was possible when I started seeing and falling for “Penny”.

Checking your cell phone for messages and trying to turn even the ones from your mom as sexual.

MySpace is her ultimate Best Friend! ( NOT GOOD) Check it every once in a while not ten times a day. I am sorry NO!!! FIND FRIENDS!!!!

Constant comments about SHIT you did a year ago. GET OVER IT!!!

NOT accepting the fact that because she does not get along with your friends, they are not going anywhere.

When you stop and tell yourself, “Holy shit, I am in love!! When you want her to have a better life than you. When you want her never to suffer or cry. When you think of her more than yourself, when you know she’s not for you but still do all you can for her to smile. RUN!!!

My favorite….Drunk Bitch!!! Do I have to explain this one???? You know!!! She Makes you look stupid at a club you frequent. “Penny” is good at that one. WOW!!!! Sorry Badlands. I love you and see you Friday.

I think I’ll end this with saying. Ladies, its not easy living this life. But according to EX’s…I am with you and feel your pain. More to come on “THE PENNY!! CRAZY BITCH!!!!”

Comments..go to my MYSPACE page under Ladyfay Wild 949 to do so. Or send me an email at ladyfay949@yahoo.com and I will air it on the show. Love you Ladies. You are my inspiration!!!

STEREOTYPES


Stereotypes are everywhere..and I mean EVERYWHERE. Why did I think that here in San Francisco that would change??? Butch, Femme, Gay, Straight. Perception is said to be reality. So why don’t people try to read the book before saying what its about. Let’s clear some stuff up right now. I am, will be and have always been Bi. Which by the way, that word has to be changed. These days, every drunken Truth or Dare player considers herself “Bi”. I’ve always loved both sexes. Been in love with both sexes. Had lots of sex with both sexes. At the end of the day, sex is what you make it. And sex was made DAMN good with both. There it is!!! God made some beautiful specimens of humanity. Not tons but a few.

I remember telling my mom. “I love eating both papayas as well as bananas”. I don’t care the gender as long as they make me happy. Now don’t get me wrong. Just like my BF Liza says, “ You know you’d rather have papayas any day, but the protein in a banana might be needed sometimes”. Telling your mom about your sexuality is important but the timing is never right. I love my mom but she is out there. She taught me to be a strong Latin woman and never let anyone RULE me or put me down. Come to think of it, she probably made me GAY. Anyway, as much as she tells me I am going to HELL because of my “mischief”. My mom is stuck in 1985 and there is no IRIS CHACON going to get her out. She doesn’t believe in modern medicine and the use of a turkey baster in helping her get a grandchild. Hey MOM…I CAN ADOPT CRAZY LADY!!! AND BY THE WAY ..ITS 2006 GET CALL WAITING!!!! Ok I feel better now.

MORE MOM

Let me tell you people. Mom is tripping!!! Now that I have been “without a man” like she says and I am dating only women lately. She’s flippin!!! Is it bad that I like it!!!!!!!



FRIENDS

Many friends that were around when I had a “Boyfriend” 2 and half years ago refer to me as a lesbian. By the way, YEAH they all knew all along. ESTUPIDAS!!!!! OK! I love my Lesbians. Its an honor to be nominated for this award but its not mine. I can’t and won’t accept it.

There’s nothing wrong with being a LESBIAN. The fact that I am dating a woman hard-core, not looking at anyone else, does not make me a LESBIAN. Love you Guys but maybe I am in transition. I am not the “truth or dare” Bi I hate..do trust.. I am all about my ladies. YUM!!! Trust me the LIMBO, PERGATORY that BI-life is no “Will and Grace” Marathon.

SOCIETY

I never noticed the looks you get holding your girl’s hand. Just walking down the street aside from Castro. It’s different. Going to an A’s game is a sight. Men, are such MEN. Its like they are watching “Where the Men Aren’t Vol. III (that’s a porno for straight men that only has women in it, By the way, in case you did not know) I have been at Chili’s with a girl and men have actually thrown money @ us for the “supposed SHOW” Are you Fuckin Serious??? I laughed but honestly thought it was disgusting.

At the UM game in Miami, we were cheering our team on. I could hear the Freakin guys behind us. (Because Straight men have no tact.) “Its like watching Spike TV for free”. Men are so simple some times.

Hmmmmm…

Why do people think that a cell phone is a fucking homing device?? Why is it that I do not pick up the phone?? You get the voice mail, yet you feel the need to call ten more times?? Everyone has caller ID. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to talk to you. Hmmmmmm…

Why do people love other who are not from this country and try to speak English but hate the ones that do not bother to learn the language?? Hmmmmm..

Why is it that there is tops and bottoms with both Gay Men and Gay Women?

Is It me or was Ben Affleck hotter with J-lo than with Jennifer Garner. That’s a bad look for her.!

What’s the point of all these channels on cable when three quarters of the channels are crap?

Why did we learn to write in cursive in school when no one uses it. In that aspect, when is the last time you have seen a magazine article in cursive??

Why does everyone find an accent different from theirs sexy???

How did anyone get in touch with each other before cellphones?? Hmmmm..

Are 13 year olds looking 35 and 40 year olds looking 21??

How did people jog before jogging shoes??

Notice that drinking is so important that happy hour is more than one hour??

Why is there always cheese left over when making sandwiches??

Why can’t I take a “Talk shit” break when smokers take a cigarette break since I don’t smoke?? Hmmmm…

Why is it that even though you have not done a thing, you feel guilty when pulled over by a cop??

Why are there tanning salons in Florida??

If New Jersey is the armpit of the United States then does that make Florida the penis??

Why do 85% of men have ugly toes??

Is there really a need for glasses when there is lasic??

Does drinking ever get old??

DO ribs actually stick to your ribs??

Is it not crazy that white wine takes out red wine??

Is it still possible to suck your teeth at someone when you have NO teeth?? Hmmmmm….

How do I know???

How do I figure out who people are when no one seems to be who they allow you to see. Why do High School ways follow us through our lives. No matter what, where, when ..there is always “drama” cliques. No matter how old or ethnicity, there is always bull to be talked about and jealousy to be had. I honestly believe that one of many reasons my last relationship did not work was because of people hoping the worse for the relationship. Now the question lies…do you tackle it head on?? Confront the culprit. Take a stand to clear your name. That never works. Trust me. Kill them with kindness. This sometimes seems like the way to go. We as “Rebels” of life by being Gay, do not really listen to the advise from mom like, “You are gonna poke someone’s eye out with that, or, Don’t play fight, or my favorite, if Jenny jumps off a bridge are you going to??? But this piece of info, I definitely take to heart. “Kill them with Kindness!” Its really funny how people can not take it. The people that talk so much shit. The people who “hate you”. Talk bad about you are usually the ones to end up speechless. At least to your face. ADVISE…. Absorb their energies. Convert those energies into positive energy and you are two steps ahead. I love you!!!

As featured in
eveinterrupted : e-zine
a new lesbian experience south florida style

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Story: Being a Faux Lesbian
Guest Writer: Fay Carmona
Critique: "Hilarious"....proclaims George Bush

Being Called a Faux Lesbian.. I thought that title would get your attention!! With all the events I do on a daily basis I have the honor and pleasure to meet the most animated, caring, passionate people in the world. Can you feel a but coming?? Yes here it come a big o‘ PuertoRican J-Lo butt. There’s always a yin to the yang. A black to the white. A bad for good. And believe me not everyone uses their powers for good instead of evil like I do. The drama Queens. The gossipers. The people that have nothing going on in their lives so they talk about yours. Your life is their General Hospital with out the doctors but with all the mouth to mouth. Then there’s others that just can’t help it and they are in a category all their own.

I have a dear friend that is a lesbian. Let’s call her Trisette. (Real names changed to protect..well the writer damn it!!) It’s a fact that there is nothing worse than a beautiful lesbian that doesn’t take shit from anyone and wants to protest against the world except a beautiful lesbian that doesn’t take shit from anyone, wants to protest against the world and carries shit loads of Sarcasm wherever she goes. It’s her own kind of ammo. Like when Monkeys fling poo at each other. Same logic. Say something that gives her enough time to reach in her bag and…. you may have a face full of poo. Well Trisette called me a Faux Lesbian. She knows how dedicated I am to the gay community even though I know that Bisexuals are as welcomed as the KKK at Freak-nik but still I’m there. So that got me thinking… If Trisette thinks that then maybe others do too. Am I a fake lesbian because I also like men? Am I a fake lesbian because I love wearing heels even in the middle of the day to go to Publix? I’ve gone to Publix with Rollers in my hair does that make me a House wife? So for my first article in this Fant-a-bulous publication I’ll break it down for you so we can move on and really make fun of everything around us. From sex to clothes. To sex with clothes. And all in between.

But Let me begin by saying that without the gay community I could never do my job. At least not legally. I am a radio personality that likes women!! Say it isn’t so! Let’s get ALL of this out of the way now. I am bisexual. It’s not a cop-out! If I could choose? Trust me I would have done it a long time ago. It would have saved me from many embarrassing situations and would have spared me from some of the odd places I’ve had sex. Its not a fad, I’ve always felt for women. I remember in high school gym noticing that I enjoyed the locker room a little too much. I remember having vivid dreams about sleeping with Madonna. I just shrugged it off, as I was just a big fan. Well According to my dream I sure was a Big Fan……..a big fan of her cooter. Years later when I was old enough to finally understand what I was feeling I FREAKED!!! And depression soon followed. You have to understand I come from a very Macho Latino family. Puerto Rican father and Colombian Mother who sent me to church every Sunday so I wouldn’t forget that I was going to hell if I committed ANY sins in the following 6 days. Didn’t matter what type of church from Pentecostal to Baptist I was there bright and early Sunday morning. Some of the girls in the Youth Group were cute. (Anyway.) My dad was the typical homophobic father. Tough guy who would “Break someone’s face” if he got hit on by a male.” Relationships with men were relatively easy. I felt bad sometime for men, straight men. They can be so Damn sexy but so damn stupid. So driven by the cooter! While other girls had the possessive boyfriend and the perfect designer clothes, I didn’t. I told my boyfriends when they could see me. “6am at my house before school and be there with breakfast in hand.” Plus I made my hand me down clothes into COOL pieces by attaching safety pins, patches and lots of marker. I was so Gay. (Please!) Plus it all happened in Freakin New Jersey, the armpit of the United States. The closest gay person was this flamer down the street and the closest gay bar was in The East Village in New York. All this and my crazy nappy hair had become an afro. I was having issues and I was confused. But I figured out how to help all my distress. MOVE!!! I left to one of the Gay-est places on earth. South Florida. This is where I met my better half..my alter ego….the person under that mask I had been wearing all those years. Gay Fay!!! She’s cute, has a great sense of style, is a HUGE Fag hag, is comfortable in her own skin and goes above and beyond when it comes to the Gay Community and their events. Welcome to my world. Now you know and knowing is half the battle. G.I. FAY…

PS: I just re-read this article a week later and MAN do I need therapy. Peace and love.

Till Next time. Make sure you don’t sleep with anyone that is not registered to vote. We must get this Bush disease out of office!!!